For some reason, I had quite a bit of people asking me, and polls asking public in general, what motivates me? Do I live my dreams? Do I have a secret desire, not met by my current life?
This has made me think. Why do I do what I do? Why do I homeschool, when sending my kids to school should be such an easier option? What is the real reason behind my homeschooling and being a house wife?
Don't I feel I miss something?
Truth be told, I did not plan to homeschool. Yes, at one stage we did consider it, but that was while the big bratling was still a baby bratling and we lived out in the sticks. At one stage, I did not even try to entertain the thought. Just the mere idea of spending more time than needed in my kids company, was enough to drive me out the house. You see, I suffered from depression, and could not face my responsibilities.
But, God send healing. He took me on a long and sometimes excruciatingly painful path, but in the process, I found healing. I can honestly say, that depression is no longer a demon in my life. I've grown-up and learned to face my responsibilities, I have learned to face my troubles with God by my side. That only in trusting Him, could I overcome my problems. I learned to let go and let God. It was not easy, it was not fun, but now, I have peace, for I know, no problem I face is to big for my God.
The biggest thing I realized after this time of healing was that I missed the cutest years of my two big bratlings lives, especially the middle one. I allowed Satan to steal that away from me. I'm not making the same mistake this time round. This time, I know what I have, and what I missed out on the first two times round. I can't steal back that special moments lost, but I can make sure that I don't miss any more.
The homeschooling bit wasn't planned, as I previously said, but God had prepared me for it during this period of healing. He placed in my life some wonderful homeschooling friends. He literally closed the doors to good schools for my oldest bratling, forcing me to start homeschooling. I was thrown into homeschooling, feet first into the deep end. I had 1 month to get myself sorted, or so I thought. I was adamant that it will be school at home, not homeschool. Homeschool is too airy fairy! Well, today I homeschool. Academic work does get done, but we learn through play and life. Man, did God know what He was doing or what? We love homeschool. If only academics weren't needed. ;)
I remember as a little girl, when the adults asked me what I wanted to be one day, my answer was always, "I want to be a mommy!" I did not have to think twice about it. As a teenager, I learned that, that is not an acceptable answer. To be a housewife is an archive idea and should be banned. My own mother, a housewife, told me off for not dreaming bigger. God bless you with brains, so you must use it for something useful. I was crushed... You mean that being a mommy is not useful? It will have no merit, if I'm just a housewife? You mean I must be super woman? Have it all, the power, the job, the money, the kids, the husband, the dog? I can't just be a happy, little woman at home, barefeet amongst her children and a farm full of animals, getting up to mischief with them?
I wanted to be there for my children. See them grow up. I wanted to bake mud cakes with them and secretly laugh at the naughtiness they get up to. I could not wait to be a wife and mommy. God blessed me with a husband who had the same ideas. He too want the mother of his children too be there for his kids.
Yes, life threw us some tough curve balls. I had to work at one stage, but I managed to keep it to the mornings. But I still had to send my very young babies out of the house for that time. It broke my heart knowing someone else is teaching them the ABC and 123's. We all hated the early morning rush to get them to school and for me to start my work. It placed added pressure on my husband, when he felt incapable of giving me my dream, and his...
But, remember Who is in charge. Yes, we did not always walk in obedience, but when we started to walk in obedience, the blessings started to flow in. Soon, I was able to stop working, and even sooner than that, God place this wonderful blessing of homeschooling as part of our daily life.
He even blessed me with a third change to enjoy a little person, and this time He gave me my biggest wish, a little girl. A princess for His Kingdom. God, knowing my heart, have given me my every longing from childhood times. Today, I am barefoot, getting up to mischief with my 3 beautiful bratlings. I have the most amazing husband, and I look forward to growing old with my big brat, if it is God's will. I enjoy every moment possible with him. Our time together is super special to me, and I'll go to the end of the earth with him, if it is God's desire.
What motivates me? My gratefulness to God, for giving me this special opportunity. When the going gets tough, I remind myself how blessed I am, and then nothing looks like a problem. I'm motivated by the love for my husband and kids. Even my newly acquired 60year old brat. They love me as I am, and I love them just one degree less than my love for God.
I live my dream. How can I not be motivated?
Do I have certain secret desire not yet met by my current living? Yes, I want more time and energy, to bake and create with my kids. But I know, my girly bratling won't always be the toddling disaster on two legs. The time will come soon, when I'll have less fires to put out and then I'll get the creative fires roaring. Already, I'm getting more done than last year.
So yes, I'm blessed. No, I don't lack anything. There is no significant desires that makes me feel unsuccessful. God has prospered me. May I be a worthy steward of my minas.
Be blessed my good people.
From little old me.
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