Thursday 30 June 2011

Being an Offshore Widow.

My husband works offshore on an oil rig. 28 days on, 28 days off, which actually means, he is away from home 30-32 days at a time.  When he comes home he is a zombie for the first 2 days.  Once a year he is away for about 90 days.  If the money is there, we might join him for 3-4 of these weeks, if not, I have to deal with everything here for 90 days solid, no break.  To make matters more interesting in our lives, God decided that we should homeschool. (That is a story for  another day.) Not that I'm complaining.  God was right.  We love homeschooling.

I must admit, I find it rather annoying when people feel sorry for me, because I have to cope without him.  Or say that my kids grow up without a father.  Even more annoyingly, is when people assume that I have a worse deal than my husband, just because, "he gets away from it all". (I'll let you know,  he is nothing but paid slave labour for 28 days solid, 12hours a day.)

Yes, being a "rigpig" wife is not always fun, but it is not as hard as you think.  For one thing, I get a whole month to rule the house.

I can get away with quick suppers, that would not fly if the boss is around.  He won't be happy to have just 2minute noodles for supper, or scrambled egg on toast.  He will makes his voice heard if he had to eat soup for more than one night in a row.  And only eat pizza for supper?  Ok, he doesn't want the 3 course meal, but he likes a decent meal of meat, starch and a big dose of veggies.
(But then, the only reason I have these below standard suppers available, is because he normally helps carry the cooking hat when he is around, so I only cook when I'm not occupied with something else.)

I get to choose which DVD I want to watch or till what time I want to read.  I don't need to switch off my light for fear of keeping him out of his sleep if the book is interesting to me. (But then, when he is here, I have better things to do at night than read myself to sleep)

I can visit my friends till they have to start worrying about supper for their families, as I have the trusted standby waiting at home. Guaranteed to take me the same amount of time to make it, that it takes the kids to feed the animals and bath. (But when he is home, my best friend is right here with me, and I love spending as much time with him as possible, so I don't want to stay out so late.)

When he is away, I still have to work my day around his schedule, because thanks to modern technology, we can talk daily.  Sometimes up to 3 times a day. No cost involved.  When the conversation gets rolling, we can spend almost 3 hours talking a day about anything and everything.  We resolve issues, discuss the news, laugh about the family antics.  There is no serious interruptions, because everyone knows how crucial these chats are to us.

When he is home, there is constant interruptions during our discussions as everyone wants a piece of him or me.  Or we are so involved in our monthly tasks set out for us, we forget to talk.

So you see, being apart is actually brilliant for our communication, which in turn is brilliant for our marriage.

Next issue:  My kids do not grow up with out their dad.  Not really.  They can speak to him if they need to, while he is away.   He is still daily active in their lives, as we daily talk about what happened and what is to happen.  But best of all:  We have worked out, hour for hour, my children see their dad 80% more than the average kid out there whose dad works a 9-5 office job.

He can take an active role in their lives when he is here.  Yes, he might miss out on the occasional concert or sportday, but he can sit in and watch them practice.  He is there when they wake up and have the time to have tickle fights in the morning before we start school.  He can sit with them for an hour after mom send them to bed, just talking to them.  He don't need to rush anywhere that we don't want to rush too.

Sure, the kids miss him a lot when he is not here. I'm grateful for all the wonderful role models at church that plays such an active role in their lives to help them cope with it when the going get tough. But remember, they are not fatherless.  He is just not within touching distance.

Best part of about our life? We have some amazing holidays, exploring the world.  We can shape our holidays to fit us, not some boss' idea of when holiday is allowed, or when the system allows you to take the kids out of school.

So, next time you bump into a "rigpig" widow, don't just assume her life is hard.  You might just be wrong.  Mine is a blessing.  Yes, the road has its thorns, but the scenery along the way, and the company on the road, makes it worth every ache.

I thank God for everything He has given me, and this way of life, was one of His blessings. 

Hope you all understand my "situation" a little better now.

Signing out
Little old me.

Wednesday 29 June 2011

The three "D"-'s in our house at the moment.

As I have previously mentioned, I have a darling little daughter aged almost 2 years.  She is a great joy and an answer to prayer in our house, and to a certain extend, she gets away with a lot.  Well, that was until recently...

The 2 year tantrums have hid us in full blown, normally, when she has what she shouldn't have or wants to do something that is far above her capabilities.  But not anymore...

Our main issues of meltdowns lately comes as the results of her wishing to have either, a certain purple dinosaur singing happy songs to her, or because she is trying to catch the remaining 4 ducklings running around the yard or mom is confiscating her dough.

So what is the problem you may ask?
For 1.  The reason there are 4 remaining ducklings is because she loved 2 of their siblings to death.
and 2.  After more than a month of listening to said dinosaur, the fact that we have quite a bit of his DVD's does not make it any less tedious for the rest of the family to endure this method of torture.
and then 3.  Do you know in what funny places you can find dough in my house?  I rather not mention all of them...

Yes, I know, when it comes to the dinosaur, I only have myself to blame, exposing her to him at an age, where he is totally a hero to them all.  BUT I NEEDED THAT AFTERNOON NAP!!!

As for the ducklings, well I blame my ducks for them.  I did not say they must breed so successfully.   (Anyone looking for ducks?)

But the dough?!  It was suppose to be good for her on a development level.  (It seems to be working too well...) (ponder)

So what to do?  Now, if it was just mommy and me, I might have actually won some of the battles, but madam is clever.  You see, there are at least 3 males in the house, with not one of them who can stand her crying.  What do you do if your daughter has the entire male population of your house doing the twist around her little finger?

At the moment, the 2 year tantrum fight cycle in our house goes something like this:

1.  Madam asks to watch DVD of said dinosaur.
2.  Mom says "NO!!! not again".
3.  Madam goes crying to male #1. 
4.  He comes pleading her case with mom.
5.  Mom says "NO!!!" again.
6.  Madam goes crying to male #2.
7.  He really pleads her case, as he cannot stand her crying.
8.  Mom says, "Sorry, but the answer is still NO!!!"
9.  He storms off to his room, for a meltdown of his own.
10.  Madam waits for male # 3 to come home.
11.  He takes her to the DVD shelf, choose a dinosaur movie and sneak it off to his room.
12. The Purple Dinosaur rules the house for the next hour....

As for the duckling fights; She has discovered that when everyone else is nicely occupied, she can take a chair, open the garage door, escape the house, into the rain and follow the ducklings around the garden.

We normally only cotton on when the mom and dad duck starts quacking like there is no tomorrow.  At least it seems the last 4 ducklings have discovered they can escape her if they run to mom and dad, as they are big enough to bite back.

A third "D" stand for dough, or rather, playdough.  Madam discovered this wonderful medium early in the rainy season.  Now, this should give her hours of blissful play and endless entertainment and so it does. She loves breaking of little pieces and making playdough spots on the floors, tile or carpet, doesn't matter. Mom's bed is another part of the house that needs redecorating as far as she is concerned.  O, and it is far better to play cooking playdough in mom's cookware, that her own.

When that gets old, there is always the dogs that needs to have some colour in their food, or maybe the cockatiels need some extra salt in their diet.  And sometimes, she can't decide what she wants to do the most.  Jump on the trampoline or play with her dough, and we end up with rather funny looking colourful spots on our grass.

So yes, life is not quiet in my house.  At least I know that by 8pm, the monster is asleep and all that is left is a little angel sleeping in her bed, all cute in pink.

So what is the blessing in all this?  I know that my daughter is strong willed, brilliant at managing people and a great plan maker.  She shows intelligence and initiative.  So yes, I'm blessed.  But phew!!!  It is a blessing that can be tiring...

So, off to bed I go for some well deserved sleep.  Goodnight world.

Tuesday 28 June 2011

The Connection between Walls and Moms

I love the movie, "Shirley Valentine".  It starts off were Shirley walks into her house, laden with grocery bags.  She gets to the her kitchen and says: "Hello Wall!  How was your day?" 

Don't we all feel like that at times?  I mean, really!  My kitchen wall listens to me a lot better than any of my children, animals or even my husband.  It is a far lot easier to get my kitchen wall to do what I tell it to do.  "Stand straight, be still and look clean!"  Unless a naughty dog or child gets hold of it, it generally, does just that.  You try getting your kids of animals to do it!

Maybe that is why women are so great at doing blogs and facebook.  Especially, moms.  You see, here is a wall that actually have the ability to talk back.  How great is that? And if you don't like what it have to say, you simply find another wall to talk to.  If a wall becomes cheeky or offensive, you can simply unfriend it.

 Sometimes, the wall has some brilliant advice, on where to buy great toys, or stationary, or where the latest good sales are happening.  Sometimes, it is a comforting shoulder for when you miss someone close, or had a bad experience.

This wall makes you laugh with silly jokes and is a great gossip partner.  And best of all, the gossip it tells you are generally speaking the type that the other party don't mind you sharing with your friends.

The wall shows you photos of your family and friends from far away.  You get to see how their kids grow and learn and become humans in their own right.  And if you are really missing them, it gives you the quick opportunity to talk to set person, without having to pick up the old telephone.

Much more useful than the old average kitchen wall our ancestors (aka moms and grandmothers) had to deal with.  Sure it is a bit more pricey and time consuming, but at least it talks back, and no-one thinks you are crazy when you say you had a lovely time talking to your wall.

Imagine the poor cave women.  Their kitchen was outside most of the time.  If they were lucky, they had a babbling brook to talk to. (ever thought way we call it a babbling brook?) Other wise it was the tree trunk, or poor shrub that had to listen to her complaining about hubby being out all week to hunt and still, all they had to eat was the roots she found 4 weeks ago, before the birth of baby number 28 and how she wish that son number 5 would leave his playing with round sticks alone and make the fires bigger.  I mean, what good is anything round?  It just keeps on rolling away!

Look at the Jews. Even they have realized the "power" of a wall.  They believe that one special wall can help them to get all their issues delivered to God, or so it looks to me... (Please, people don't take offense, I'm just rambling about how things look to me, you are welcome to tell me the truth behind this wall.  I've never been good at studying history.)

OK, so back to today.  What blessing is there in all this ramblings?  Well, for one thing, we finally have a wall that talks back.  You can grow closer to your family and friends thanks to this wall.  Yes, it has its bad side, but if you are a woman who too often felt that the only thing in your house listening to you was the kitchen wall, at least you now can share that conversation with your blog or facebook wall.  Look at me!  Here I've just done that...

Three cheers and hip-hip hoorays for walls all around the world!  You have managed to keep the majority of mothers and wives sane over many centuries... 

Ok, enough talking to this wall.  My husband finally has a moment to actually listen to me, so I better make the best of it.  :)

Enjoy your walls!

Monday 27 June 2011

Friendship

Friends.  Some of us have many, and some only a handful.  Some of us go through life, thinking we only have acquaintances, not real friends.   But all of us would love to have them, would even do silly things to make them and none of us can really, truely function without them.

How long does it take to form a friendship?  Well, to me, some of my BFF's I have, I have made over a cup of coffee at a kiddies activity and we are still great friends today.  Some friends, I've know for years and I still feel more an acquaintance than a friend.  You see, it depends on how willing you are to trust people.  I love people and trust them easily.  I've been burned badly by friendships gone wrong but,  I have also been amazingly blessed by some of my friendship.  And because of that I still keep making friends all the time.  Some are friends for a season, some for a life time, but they all season my life and make it richer.

On the flip side of things:  Trust is a mutual thing, and unless the other person feels they can trust you, you will remain an acquaintance for a looooong time. Trust is not something easily won, if the person you require it from has been burned badly, and you must understand this.  Don't feel offended, let time work your friendship out.

Sometimes we drift apart because our lives move in opposite directions, but the true BBF is the one, that stays in contact regardless.  Maybe not as much as you used to be, but every few months, maybe even only once a year.  But when you catch up, it is as if you were never apart.

And then there is the friendships that is ripped apart and burned because of silly issues, never to be repaired again.  These are the hardest to overcome.  A lot of people swear off all friendship because of incidents like this, and it is sad.  You see, a broken relationship kills a little part of your humanity.  It is a part of your heart that will never be 100% again and to heal it even only to 99.95% takes a 100% forgiveness from your side, whether it was your fault or not.  Not easy.  You have to forgive that friend and you have to forgive yourself.  But most of all, you must learn to put it behind you, or else you will only have acquaintances at your funeral.  Even your family will become only acquaintances, because this wound festers and in the end destroys all relationships you are in, if you don't curb the pus and let the scare heal.

So you see, we absolutely need friendship, it is part of our human nature, and friendship start with you reaching out to the other person.  You have to be the first to offer it, even if it leaves you terrified of being betrayed and hurt.

I will never forget a conversation I recently had with a lady that I see as a friend, potentially a great friend, even a best friend.  Before our friendship started to blossom into something with potential, she felt the need to warn me that she only makes acquaintances. She is not open for friendship, and then she added "yet", that little word that made me smile, because it told me I can win her friendship if I can win her trust.  It was an EYE OPENER moment for me.  Because I realized, she has the guts to say, "earn my friendship please".  It was sad, because it said, she was hurt badly and many times so.

Another friend of mine, whom has become a firm BFF of mine over a very short period of time, was shocked when I called her one of my best friends during a conversation.  She never thought that she could be someones best friend.  No one had ever called her that.  She couldn't believe that I love her just the way she is and that I find her trustworthy enough to be one of my best friends.

So what am I trying to say?  Tell those friends of yours that you feel fall under your BFF banner that you see them as such.  Be a good friend and persistent in your friendship, with those friends that keeps you at arms length, you may win them over. But most of all remember:  Friendships are blessings from God, treasure them, work at them.  In the end, the only thing you can take with you to heaven is your friends and family.

Tell your friends you love them and are glad they are a part of your life.

Signing out,
Little old me.

Sunday 26 June 2011

Can a Mess be a Blessing?

There I was talking to my friend today, who also share the joy of having a 22 month old daughter in the house, when she lamented having an active toddler in the house. Don't get me wrong, I can fully sympathize with it.  My own little monster give me a daily the run for my money. 

With a toddler in the house, a mess is sure to be happening on a regular basis.  And boy!  It can become tiring!  In our house, the occurrence of a mess is so normal that the family had become quite efficient in dealing with the daily disasters of toddlerhood.

When you have 3 kids at home all day, and one of them is a toddler, chaos is pretty much part of your life.  Add to it a whole zoo full of animals and chaos rules. 

As you enter my property, there is a sign in the garden, before you hit the front door.  "This house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy."

You see, kids needs chaos and mess.  That is their way to explore the world around them and make sense of life.  It took me a while to realize it and my husband still struggles with it.  Sure, there should be a time to pack away and clean-up, even if in theory only.  (Not that it happen often enough in this zoo!)  ;-)

So, what blessing is there in chaos and mess in your home?  It is a very important blessing.  One I wish all parents to have.  If your kids are daily destroying your house, stop to see why they are actually doing it.  A lot the of times, their answer to you would be that they wanted to see how it works, or what will happen or they are simply learning a skill, such as pouring, wiping and many more. 
If your child creates a mess, go on you knees and thank God for giving you child an inquiring mind.

I can speak pages full on this subject, but a lot of you won't like what I have to say.  Just remember, Edison and Einstein was seen as troubled children who constantly messed up there parents houses.  The Wright brothers were notorious for their antics.  They all had one thing in common, an inquiring mind.  Your child may not be the next genius, but if you nurture this, they will learn to think for themselves and stand up in world for what they believe in.

So:  Can a mess be a blessing?  If you nurture the mind behind the mess,  then yes, it is the biggest gift God gave your child.  An inquiring mind.  To find out for themselves, what is important.

Enjoy your blessings.

Signing of to enjoy mine.

Little old Lulu

Saturday 25 June 2011

Why?

So why am I doing this?  Good question.  I don't know the answer really, but I just felt it is time I start putting things to "paper" in stead of just rambling in my head at all you people out there.

You see, when I look at the world, I see a broken world full of pain and people who don't know why or how or what next.  I see myself so many years ago when confusion, disillusion and hurt was a everyday part of my life.

It is very difficult to stay up beat and happy when life crushes your dreams and hopes.  When everything you know is put into question. When you go looking for friends or family to help you and you realize, they too are lost and hopeless.

It wasn't till I found my rightful place in front of God, that  I came to find peace and calm.  I found in God some of the answers, not all, some of the reasons, not all, but most of all I realized, I can trust Him completely, no matter what.  I don't need all the answers or reasons.  I don't need to know the end result, to see the full picture, to know how I will affect what is happening.  I just need to obey and follow and then the most amazing thing happened.

God started to show me blessings.  I sometimes feel showered in His blessings.  He showed, little old me, that He cared for me far beyond my biggest worries.  He showed me that He know my needs and what my wants are may not be my needs, and He knows which one is best.

And so we started counting our blessings.  Every, 31st of December, my husband and I count the big blessings we received that year and give thank for it.  But on a daily basis, not one item is bought, not one flu gone, not one smile not noted without a silent thanks to God for what we have. 

You see, 5 years ago, we had BIG dept and had no way to pay it.  Our lives were shuttered 10 years ago by an incident that littarly crushed our dreams and left my husband and me in a dark abyss of depression that almost destroyed us.

Today, we have a beautiful house, friends we can rely on, children that makes us proud, a marriage that, although not perfect, is one that still blossoms with love,  but most of all we serve the God who not only created us, but also saved us, in more ways than one.

What we have, we have because God deemed us worthy to have it.  We don't feel worthy, we can't believe that He feels we can look after it. But we live in gratitude none the less.

Does this mean that if you become a believer, you problems will be solved and fortune awaits?  No,  by no means.  We were blessed, so that we can give away as God shows us to use our blessings. 

I know of friends who still suffer on a daily basis, regardless of their faith.  You may ask why?  Well, God in His wisdom, bless them with an even bigger blessing.  When you suffer as a child of God, you have a special closeness to His light.  Suffering in Christ, becomes a wonderful blessing.  Until you are in that position, you will not understand it, it will look stupid and wrong.  But if you stand in God's wisdom, you will feel more blessed than King Solomon.

To all of you suffering:  There is only ONE GOD that can help you.  No person, special prayer, idol, lucky charm, meditation session is going to work.  No matter what the media portray. 

Jesus said:  "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."  Matt 11:28

Seek Him first and you will receive blessing beyond your imagination.  Not necessarily money or fortune, but rest and a peace that surpasses all the chaos in your life.

I pray God's blessing onto you.

From Little old Lulu