My husband works offshore on an oil rig. 28 days on, 28 days off, which actually means, he is away from home 30-32 days at a time. When he comes home he is a zombie for the first 2 days. Once a year he is away for about 90 days. If the money is there, we might join him for 3-4 of these weeks, if not, I have to deal with everything here for 90 days solid, no break. To make matters more interesting in our lives, God decided that we should homeschool. (That is a story for another day.) Not that I'm complaining. God was right. We love homeschooling.
I must admit, I find it rather annoying when people feel sorry for me, because I have to cope without him. Or say that my kids grow up without a father. Even more annoyingly, is when people assume that I have a worse deal than my husband, just because, "he gets away from it all". (I'll let you know, he is nothing but paid slave labour for 28 days solid, 12hours a day.)
Yes, being a "rigpig" wife is not always fun, but it is not as hard as you think. For one thing, I get a whole month to rule the house.
I can get away with quick suppers, that would not fly if the boss is around. He won't be happy to have just 2minute noodles for supper, or scrambled egg on toast. He will makes his voice heard if he had to eat soup for more than one night in a row. And only eat pizza for supper? Ok, he doesn't want the 3 course meal, but he likes a decent meal of meat, starch and a big dose of veggies.
(But then, the only reason I have these below standard suppers available, is because he normally helps carry the cooking hat when he is around, so I only cook when I'm not occupied with something else.)
I get to choose which DVD I want to watch or till what time I want to read. I don't need to switch off my light for fear of keeping him out of his sleep if the book is interesting to me. (But then, when he is here, I have better things to do at night than read myself to sleep)
I can visit my friends till they have to start worrying about supper for their families, as I have the trusted standby waiting at home. Guaranteed to take me the same amount of time to make it, that it takes the kids to feed the animals and bath. (But when he is home, my best friend is right here with me, and I love spending as much time with him as possible, so I don't want to stay out so late.)
When he is away, I still have to work my day around his schedule, because thanks to modern technology, we can talk daily. Sometimes up to 3 times a day. No cost involved. When the conversation gets rolling, we can spend almost 3 hours talking a day about anything and everything. We resolve issues, discuss the news, laugh about the family antics. There is no serious interruptions, because everyone knows how crucial these chats are to us.
When he is home, there is constant interruptions during our discussions as everyone wants a piece of him or me. Or we are so involved in our monthly tasks set out for us, we forget to talk.
So you see, being apart is actually brilliant for our communication, which in turn is brilliant for our marriage.
Next issue: My kids do not grow up with out their dad. Not really. They can speak to him if they need to, while he is away. He is still daily active in their lives, as we daily talk about what happened and what is to happen. But best of all: We have worked out, hour for hour, my children see their dad 80% more than the average kid out there whose dad works a 9-5 office job.
He can take an active role in their lives when he is here. Yes, he might miss out on the occasional concert or sportday, but he can sit in and watch them practice. He is there when they wake up and have the time to have tickle fights in the morning before we start school. He can sit with them for an hour after mom send them to bed, just talking to them. He don't need to rush anywhere that we don't want to rush too.
Sure, the kids miss him a lot when he is not here. I'm grateful for all the wonderful role models at church that plays such an active role in their lives to help them cope with it when the going get tough. But remember, they are not fatherless. He is just not within touching distance.
Best part of about our life? We have some amazing holidays, exploring the world. We can shape our holidays to fit us, not some boss' idea of when holiday is allowed, or when the system allows you to take the kids out of school.
So, next time you bump into a "rigpig" widow, don't just assume her life is hard. You might just be wrong. Mine is a blessing. Yes, the road has its thorns, but the scenery along the way, and the company on the road, makes it worth every ache.
I thank God for everything He has given me, and this way of life, was one of His blessings.
Hope you all understand my "situation" a little better now.
Signing out
Little old me.
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