Returning

It has been a while since I wrote anything.  Life got busy and my words got less.  Friday night I revisited my blog and read through my thoughts of 4 years ago.  Can it be?  4 years of a life blessed but also filled with probably a million distractions and plenty moments of pain.

In 4 years we've experience great joy and soul searching sadness.  We have been challenged and have challenged ourselves.  I moved house, inside my house probably 4 times, due to renovations.  Not only extending, but also replacing the whole old roof.  Almost 20 months worth of dust and chaos that I'm still trying to sort out.

My greatest sadness of the last four years has been the death of my brother.  The loss is an intense pain, that I don't think I will ever completely loose.  Seeing photos of him still make me wish I had him around and make me regret not phoning him more, just because.  At the same time I had dear friends loose their parents to cancer. One of them not only lost both her parents, but also her home. 

My world was filled with chaos and sorrow that I allowed to overtake me. I allowed myself to retract form the world as much as possible.  I simply could not face anything more demanding that living one day at a time for a long time.  I did what I could just to stay on top of life.  I forgot to count my blessings.  Blessings in abundance if I look back.

But I'm getting better.  The chaos is subsiding.  Though I had to face the depression demon again, in God's grace I once again overcame it.  His love for me carried my through like always. 

So we are starting over.  Returning to focusing on our many blessings.  Returning to seeking joy.  Knowing the challenge is big.  Things are bound to get hectic again, maybe even more crazy than ever before.  The chaos may become more scary than before.  But with God's help, I will be able control some of it a bit better, and that which I can't control, I'll cope better with dealing with it as it comes.

I choose to return to living in this life and counting the blessings I receive daily.  And hopefully this time the blog will be more active and hold me accountable for counting my blessings and not just let me go rambling on and on...